Hot Toddy [Frostbite Falls Christmas 2] (Siren Publishing Menage Amour) Page 8

  “I know.” They’d been clear last night what they wanted from her, and it had nothing to do with pots and pans or scrubbing floors. But she took care of people, that’s what she did. And she’d never wanted to take care of anyone more than she did these men.

  His eyes widened a little, but he continued on all the same. “We want to pamper you. We want to treat you like a queen. You don’t ever have to lift a finger when you’re with us.”

  As much as that sounded good, she didn’t need it. She didn’t even want it. She didn’t want to be some prized possession that didn’t ever get to touch a pair of dirty underwear. She wanted to be a partner, and equal, in every way. That included chores.

  “What if I want to? What if I want to pamper you?”

  He paused, clearly having never considered the point, and she smiled. She’d stumped the big bad sheriff. “You have a point. If that’s what you want.” He scratched his chin in thought. “We’ll have to work out some kind of schedule. Maybe you can pamper us on odd-numbered days, and we can spoil you evens. Or maybe you can pamper us Saturday and Wednesdays, and we’ll cover the rest of the week. That sounds more fair. There are two of us.”

  She giggled, tangling her fingers with his. She never thought she could be so happy to be negotiating who cooked breakfast. Jason had never negotiated with her. He’d never listened or compromised. He said what he wanted, and there was no question.

  Or at least, she’d never questioned him. She just did as he asked. She’d never considered demanding more from him, mostly because of the queasy uneasy feeling that curled in her stomach just at the idea of telling him no.

  But she didn’t feel queasy battling Kyle for the right to make eggs on Saturday morning, or worried he’d be upset by her bringing a few throw pillows or a quilt into his living room. That wouldn’t be enough to bother Kyle or Chase. And even if it did, they’d talk through it. There would be no angry silences or harsh words between them. Kyle and Chase weren’t interested in treating her that way.

  A knock sounded at the door. She and Kyle both looked toward the front of the house. The grandfather clock beside the door declared it was just a few minutes before six a.m., far too early for most civilized guests. But there was definitely someone there. The shadowy figure in the frosted glass could not be a trick of her imagination, no matter how much she might want it to be.

  “Expecting anyone?” Kyle screamed toward his brother.

  Chase peered his head out of the kitchen doorway and shook his head. “No. Sam’s supposed to deliver some feed, but I didn’t expect him until Monday.” And she doubted even on his best day, Sam or Trevor would deliver anything before eight. Recent transplants to Frostbite Falls, just like her, they still had their city mentality and usually conducted their business between regular working hours.

  Few people would visit this early in the morning. Especially the day after the ball. Today was supposed to be a quiet day. Everyone sleeping in and sleeping off the party. Even church services were postponed until the afternoon, to give people time to recover before heading to worship.

  “You’ll never find out who it is if you don’t open the door.”

  Kyle glared at his brother’s sarcastic comment, but finally shook his head. “Might as well.” He placed a kiss on the back of her hand. A quiver of regret echoed up her arm as he released his hold, but she tried to ignore it. He’d have to release her hand eventually. Probably the second they walked into the kitchen, but that didn’t mean she wanted to let him go.

  He opened the door only a crack, cautiously looking out onto the porch. She shouldn’t be surprised. He was a cop after all. He wouldn’t open his door to just anyone that stopped by. Whispered words were exchanged between Kyle and the masculine voice from the porch. They escalated until Kyle stammered a “Fine” and opened the door wider.

  Her body froze solid in place as she stared at the doorway. The cold much deeper than the waft of chilly air that rippled through the room from the open door. The last person she ever expected to see, Jason, stood in the doorway. His hair was disheveled. The top three buttons of his shirt were fastened incorrectly. The tail of his shirt stuck out of his pants, his collar askew. He looked like he’d had a hard night and not in the same way she had.

  Jason walked into the room, followed by Kyle, who shut the door behind him. But even without the cold December air blowing across her skin, she still felt frozen all the way through.

  It took her a minute to gather her wits together enough to think, let alone respond. “Jason, what are you doing here?”

  His big watery eyes scanned over her body, starting at her neck and working his way down to her uncovered legs. She grabbed the collar of her shirt and held it closed at her throat. Not that it covered much. It was obvious to a blind man she’d spent the night with the Mannings. No matter how much she clutched at her shirt or tried to cover herself, she’d never conceal that.

  “I’m here to talk to you, baby.”

  She fought the urge to roll her eyes. “Jason, it’s six a.m. Whatever you need to say can wait until tomorrow.” Or at least until she was fully clothed and not still smelling of sex.

  “I wanted to make sure you got home all right.”

  She rolled her eyes, fighting back a groan. “Jason, I left the party with the sheriff. You know I was safe.” The town sheriff had been by her side for the last eight hours. She’d never been safer in her life.

  And it was Frostbite Falls. Walking down the streets at night and not having to worry was a perk of living in a small town. She didn’t even bother to mention she wasn’t at home.

  “Okay, you’re right. I wasn’t really worried about your safety.” Jason took another step toward her, and she fought the urge to step back from him. “I wanted to see you again.”

  In other words, he’d seen her with someone else and he was jealous.

  He attempted to straighten his shirt, nervously fluttering with wrinkles that wouldn’t be smoothed without an iron. “Things aren’t working out with Tracey.”

  Big surprise. There was the real reason he’d come. He saw her moving on, and he realized those bleach-blonde silicone-covered grasses he’d moved to weren’t as green as he’d expected.

  “She’s not as caring as you. Or as attentive as you are.”

  In other words, she wasn’t a doormat like Lydia had been. She didn’t wait on him hand and foot the way Lydia had. Maybe she even demanded he do a little around the house or give her a little affection. Just like Lydia had always wanted to, but never had the guts to ask for.

  “I miss you, baby. I want you back.”

  He offered her a big smile, as if that erased everything that had happened. Angry fire burned through her, and she fisted her hands at her side, barely holding back the urge to slug him right there. Even with the sheriff watching, she was fairly sure she wouldn’t have to worry about any jail time. Half the town might throw her a parade.

  “I don’t know which of these guys you slept with, and I don’t care.”

  She rolled her eyes. That was awful kind of him, considering he’d been sleeping with someone else for over six months.

  “I just want you back, baby. I don’t care about anything else.”

  Lydia let out a long sigh, scrubbing her hand across her face. A few months ago she would have done anything to have Jason crawling back to her. Begging her for a second chance. But everything was different now. She was different now. And Kyle and Chase had shown her that.

  “Jason, you don’t want me. You just don’t want anyone else to have me.”

  He had the gall to look upset. After he showed up at six in the morning the day after her first date since their breakup—if going home with Chase and Kyle and having lots of sweaty sex could be considered a date. “That’s not true.”

  “You only want me now because someone else wants me.” He shook his head, opening his mouth as if to argue, but she cut him off before he could get a word out. “That’s not enough for me anymore.” It pro
bably never had been. She just hadn’t realized it before.

  She glanced at the two other men. Chase was still posed just outside the kitchen door. Kyle stood off to the side of Jason. Both were still in their underwear, which at a different time would have been funny. But right now nothing seemed funny. Nothing except maybe the clown that had decided to barge into their otherwise happy morning.

  Anxiety radiated off her men, but they didn’t say a word, not trying to convince or pressure her. They kept back, waiting for her to make her own decision. Allowing her to choose what she wanted, even if it meant she didn’t pick them.

  As much as she understood their concern, they had no reason to be worried. She couldn’t go back to Jason or that life. The constant worry, striving to prove she was worthy of him—when he wasn’t a prize to begin with. After a night with Kyle and Chase she knew she couldn’t do that anymore. She didn’t want to.

  She didn’t have any expectation about Kyle and Chase. It was far too soon to know where their relationship might go. But after a taste of what they had to offer, she couldn’t accept less. She wanted what they offered. Partnership, compassion, understanding, laughter. And if they weren’t the ones to give it to her, she’d find someone else who would.

  “You’re wrong, baby.” He grabbed her hand, and it took everything in her not to pull it back, like she had touched something disgusting on a handrail.

  Kyle flinched in his spot by the door. His hands fisted at his sides. But he held back, too. No need to escalate this reunion if it didn’t need to be. No good would come from upsetting Jason further. It was better to let Jason say his peace, and then they could all move on.

  “I want you because I missed you. I’ve missed you every day. You were my best friend before. I never should have ended things the way I did.”

  Hell of a way to treat his best friend. Not that she believed his speech. Jason had always been a fantastic negotiator, though it was bullshit most of the time. It’s how he’d risen up the corporate ladder. And if she was being honest, a few months ago this speech would have worked on her. He’d offered her a lot of pretty speeches over the years, and she’d accepted them every time. Sorry I stayed out late. Sorry I spent all our savings on gambling. Sorry I took a job that’s a three-hour drive from where we live without talking to you about it.

  But this time it was different. He couldn’t just cover up a small slight or stupid decision with a few pretty words. He walked out. He left her for someone else. And being apart had changed her. Being with Kyle and Chase had changed her.

  “I’m sorry, Jason.” She negotiated her hand from his grip, taking a small grateful step backward. “I don’t want to be with you anymore.”

  His face fell. His mouth opened wide like he was a fish gasping for air. He hadn’t been expecting her rejection. A part of her hated hurting him—she hated hurting anyone’s feelings—but another piece was proud she had the balls to tell him so.

  The old Lydia never would. But she was the new and improved Lydia. She wasn’t just interested in making everyone else comfortable and happy anymore. She wanted more. And she wouldn’t accept less than she deserved anymore. Sure, she wouldn’t try to hurt anyone’s feelings—the idea of doing so still made her a little sick to her stomach—but she wouldn’t put their needs before her own any more either. At least not every time. She deserved to be happy, too. Just as much as everyone else.

  “But, baby, we were so good together.”

  She fought back the urge to roll her eyes. If they’d been good together he wouldn’t have walked away to begin with. It was her experience people didn’t abandon good things. She certainly wasn’t going to. Now that she found something good, she was keeping it as long as possible.

  “No, Jason, we weren’t.” Since they hardly fought, she couldn’t describe it as bad exactly. But they weren’t good. The only reason they’d never argued is because she gave into him every time they had an issue. That wasn’t good in her definition.

  “It’s because of one of them, isn’t it?” Jason’s nostrils flared, and his face turned red as he pointed to the two other men in the room. Kyle’s muscles flinched again. A long intake of breath hissed behind her from Chase. But neither interceded. Letting her answer for herself.

  “No, it’s not because of them. It’s because of me.” She spit out the words with all the vile she’d been storing up for the past six months. All the anger she’d felt but never had the courage to voice from the moment he’d left her until last night. It felt good. Really fucking good. If she’d known it would be this much fun to scream at him, she might have done it before. She’d never seen the point. But now she did. “I don’t want to be with you.”

  “I can change, baby. I promise.” The deep whiny trill of his voice only had her wanting to punch him in the nose. “Please, baby.”

  Too little too late. Too many promises already broken. Even if last night hadn’t been the most amazing night of her life, she couldn’t ever trust him again. Too much pain had occurred to ever be completely repaired.

  “It’s over.” It felt good to be the one to say that this time. “It’s been over for a long time, Jason.” Longer than the six months they’d been apart. Longer than they’d been in Frostbite Fall. Probably a lot longer than either of them wanted to admit.

  His face contorted, his eyes filling with fire. Even his anger seemed pathetic to her now. Like a child stamping his feet and screaming his head off because he hadn’t gotten the toy he wanted. “You’ll regret this.” More juvenile threats, more pathetic than the last.

  He walked back to the door, throwing it open with more force than necessary. He stepped out onto the porch, the snow crunching beneath his feet. “You’ll see, Lydia. Once these jokers kick you to the curb. And you know they will. You’ll regret not coming with me today.”

  She doubted that was true. After being with two real men for a night, she couldn’t go back to someone less than. If she ever told Kyle and Chase she didn’t want to be with them, they’d take it like men. They might try to convince her to change her mind, which at the moment didn’t sound like a horrible idea, but they wouldn’t try to sway her by belittling her or threatening her. Not ever.

  Even if Kyle and Chase didn’t want her tomorrow, she wouldn’t regret her decision. People had been telling her for months she deserved better than Jason, and she was finally starting to believe it. Maybe finding better had taught her that.

  Instead of replying she shut the door, leaving Jason in the snow. The blurry outline of his face appeared in the door window. His eyes stared at her from the cold. Exactly where he belonged, on the outside of her life.

  Silence settled around the room like a crystal vase against the hard oak floors. She sucked in a deep breath, fighting hard not to step on the jagged pieces of the previously happy time together scattered all over the floor. Damn Jason. He had found another way to ruin her happiness. It wasn’t bad enough he had dropped her like a hot cake the second a new girl came into view. He’d ruined her time with Chase and Kyle by appearing at their door, too.

  Taking three deep breaths, she waited a minute before turning toward Kyle and Chase, not sure what she would find. She only hoped they didn’t think she expected anything from them. Regardless of Jason’s threats, she’d always known their tryst was temporary. No matter how sweet they were, a relationship like this couldn’t last forever. It wasn’t possible.

  They both stood frozen, focused toward the door. Neither spoke nor gave her any indication what they were thinking. The urge to run rocketed up her body. She wanted to run to the bedroom, grab her clothes, and jump out the nearest exit. But her feet wouldn’t budge.

  In the next breath, they jumped toward her. Kyle reached her first, wrapping his arms around her and tugging her into his embrace. His touch was so comforting, she could sink right into him. “I’m so proud of you, sweetheart,” he whispered against her hair, sending heat spiraling from the inside out.

  “He didn’t deserve you, honey.�
�� Chase nuzzled his face into the back of her neck. His warm breath against her skin settled deep inside her. His body bracketed her other side. Their two strong male forms enveloped her, holding her close and filling her with strength.

  She nodded as crazy irrational tears filled her eyes. He was right. Jason didn’t deserve her. And she didn’t want to be with him. Someone who could be swayed by a pretty smile or a pair of fake boobs wasn’t someone she could count on. Or someone she wanted to be with.

  But along with Jason went all she’d ever wanted. Her ability to belong to someone, to belong somewhere. She didn’t want Jason anymore, but the overwhelming ache still raged inside her. It felt farther away than it ever before.

  “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Kyle pushed the hair back from her face. The brush of his fingers across her skin had her shivering and wanting to curl into him.

  A solitary tear dripped down her cheek. She took a deep breath, trying to push back the sadness, but didn’t stopped the flow. “It’s just…I just…I always wanted…to belong.” And now that was gone, maybe for good.

  “Oh, honey.” Chase stroked his hand down her back in long comforting strides. “You do belong. You belong with us.”

  She fought harder against the sob threatening to escape her throat. There it was again. The pity she felt so often. But it was the first time she felt it from Chase and Kyle. They were one of the few people who didn’t pity her before. And she wouldn’t take it from them now. Not after everything they’d shared. “You don’t have to do that.”

  “We aren’t doing something for you.” Kyle’s breath brushed against her ear. “It’s not a charity. I thought that would be obvious after last night.” He cupped her face in his hands, forcing her eyes up to meet his. The sincerity in his gaze nearly stole her breath away. She had to tighten her hold on his waist to keep her knees from buckling underneath her.

  “We want you with us. We’ve want you for a long time.” Chase kissed her hair in a comforting agreement. “Probably since the moment we first met you.”